I've fucked up, I’ve never hated myself more knowing that I did that.

I know I messed up, and I hate that I made her feel that way. She didn’t deserve it.

I’ve been replaying everything in my head, and wondering how it got here.

first picture together

She told me I was her favorite from the group.

the day she first told me these

She used to tell me that she found nothing disturbing about me since we met

first time meeting her

and its been a long time since we met.

I was proud of myself

not because i thought i could do nothing disturbing, but because i found a person who meshed perfectly with me

But now, I think I am one of the ones that has disturbed her the most.

I didn't mean to do that...

I am so afraid to lose her from my life

I confessed to her.

It was the worst confession ever but I thought I said what i needed to say and I thought she knew how I felt

She asked me why did i confess, didn’t i think that our friendship will change?

but i did… i knew our friendship would change… but i WANTED to confess... i was just confident that it would be for the better.

I was already feeling it here

i thought that if i just let things be, then i know its a fake friendship on my side because of these feelings.

i thought of the best, if it went well then i already knew we could spend everyday with each other happily as we already did.

i thought that even if she turns me down then we can laugh it off and live a friendship with no regrets.

i thought that we can deal with it and manage to be comfortable around each other with our group.

all this thinking just to be wrong… you see, i didnt think how confusing and frustrating this would be for her.

especially since it was a half assed confession, which she didn't deserve

i even tried to avoid telling her how I really felt but ended up HURTING HER even more

i wanted everything to be perfect before i revealed everything, but instead i ruined everything

I told her I recently caught feelings for her

But what does that mean? Is that shallow feelings? not serious?

What I mean is, I started seeing her in a romantic way recently

And it doesn't mean I have shallow feelings for her

You see, just because I see her in a romantic way recently, it doesn't mean romantic feelings started from nothing

I was already her best friend, I already had plenty of feelings for her as a friend. I cared for her a lot.

I already loved her as my friend

I knew it back in Fuji-Q. And everyday the love grew.

So the feelings isn't shallow, it didn't come from nothing. It was already there.

What changed was that I wanted to see if it can be MORE.

Dear Soo

I want you to know that I love you.

I wanted to express that before I confessed to you but I didn't know how

Dear Soo

I want you to know im serious

I didn't want to say it like it was nothing so I kept thinking how would I express it

Dear Soo

You mean a lot to me

You are special compared to anyone else I know in Japan

Dear Soo

I love how easy it is for you to express your feelings

You told me you learned a lot from me, but I also have a lot to learn from you

Dear Soo

I want to be better

Please allow me to make a few mistakes but please dont let go of what we have

I will learn from it

Dear Soo

I have so many things I want to say to you

here are just some of it

Dear Soo

I love how cute you act and have the most bubbly atmosphere

I love how crazy and funny you are

I love the faces you make when you are clueless

I love how nice you can be, you have such a lovely heart

I love the sound of your voice especially when its a high pitch and you call me babo

Dear Soo

I love it when you try to find me in a group

I love that being around you makes sense to me

I love the way you talk and the words you use

I love how much you influenced my life

I love how unapologetic, honest, and direct you can be

I love that my life is so much better with you

Dear Soo

I love how hard you try for the people you love

You deserve so much of it too

Dear Soo

I'm not goood at expressing myself, but there is just so much I love about you

Dear Soo

I hate the situation we are in.

I want you to know that I don't want to lose you, i dont want to cut you off.

I want you to know that I've been thinking about this everyday

I hope we can talk again

Dear Soo

I hope you got my message and that you can understand me 💛

- Josh